A Story Of A Failed Dream For A Better Dream

Living through high expectations can make or break you. As for my case, it was initially a break that is nearing to collapse but I made a way to made it fixed. Gladly, I am savoring that moment now.

When I was a child. Every people around had a great expectations that I can fulfill someday.

I grew up in a small village where the source of livelihood is farming. My father was the chieftain there since I was four years old until now and my mother was an elementary teacher. So, that make me a bit on higher class of living than with my childhood friends. Some of them envy me and bullies me but there are also a few who respected and stay beside me.

My first 6 years of studying is nothing but full of achievements, I was always the top pupil in class until I graduated elementary.

In my first year in high school in which I believed there was such a hidden conspiracy. Before the announcements of final grades for the fourth and last grading of that school year, my first year adviser talked to me that I topped the class and she wants me to donate something in the recognition program. Of course, I am glad and accepted the request and told my parents as soon as I got home and as expected, they also give the nod for me to donate.

Unexpectedly, there was a sudden change of events as during the announcement, my name was called before the last one, which means I am only at second. My adviser talked to me that my Math grade made it impossible for me to the top. Well, I can’t say I am not good but I admit that the one who beat me for the top honor is really better than me in that subject. So even I was really disappointed and feeling betrayed, I just kept my mouth shut and did nothing. I can still live with second, nonetheless.

But that bad feeling inside me made me a different person in the coming school year. I really don’t sure though if I did good or bad as I end up to 7th place by the end of that year. My parents were surprised and they didn’t like the result. So, that next year, they transferred me into another (and better) school.

On my first days, I find it difficult for myself to adjust. I am a very shy type and I can’t do well around strangers. It took me half a year before I got comfortable but my confidence to be an active participant was already compromised…until I graduated in high school.

I can’t really say what kind of reaction my parents and relatives had after those last 2 years of my high school. Regardless, they still rendered me the same expectation they have in the beginning.

My college life is just ordinary at best. I wasn’t active at all in class to be able to compete. I just do what an ordinary student do. Attend discussions, take quizzes and long exams and pass projects on time. But that responsible man I am only lasted for a year. In my second year, I was already an irregular student. Lot of failures comes next after another. It was hard, difficult and torturing. So, after 4 years, I dropped out from college.

My parents still urged me to continue though (even until now). But I said to myself, “I am already tired and I can’t do it anymore!”

One of the reasons why I did it because having a line of failing grades in my transcript even I graduate, i’s clearly futile anyway since my course doesn’t have any board exam to prove that I really belong on that field of engineers. With the rate of unemployment we have in our country these days just made it worst. So, I decided to stop wasting money but rather, find a way to make money and there I stumbled to the world of online freelancing.

It is nearly 3 years when those happened and I already moved on and accepted my fate. Only that my parents still can’t forget it. They still want me to continue and bring a diploma at home. But, most of the time I just completely ignore them as I am getting irritated. They can’t understand me even how many explanations I gave to them. To me, at this age, having a diploma is not that necessary anymore as long as you can find a better way to live everyday and I am living better. I am still very young at 23 and I believe in myself that I can still accomplish many things even I didn’t graduate. I am not talking like those internet geniuses though. 🙂

I might have failed in getting a college degree, but that is not the end of the road. There is a better reason or greater purpose why that happened and I completely and confidently believe in it.

 

(This is a follow-up post from my 50-words story as a response for blogging 101 day 27 task)

Memoirs of Grief

 

 

It is a story that secretly between me and her.

It is a heartache that leaved me a long itchy scar deep inside.

It is something that kept me on coming back even how much I want it to go away.

It was my first love.

It was a betrayal.

It was a strong, deep, wide-cut memoirs of grief.

…and is back again!

 

 

Her

The temptation of her

won over to his fidelity

His heart is too soft and helpless to resist.

But maybe, first love really never dies.

They talk and reminisce everything

It gave him hope.

An unknown hope,

It can possibly destroy everything he currently possess.

But the idea of being with her again

ignored even the worst consequence.

Because he knew

that regardless of what the future may bring.

He did it for his heart’s content.

Living in the Pacific “Ring of Fire”

When I saw pop-up on my desktop’s task bar, I immediately noticed the words, “Ring of Fire” and the first thing that came to my mind is the location of my country – Philippines, which belongs to the Pacific Ring of Fire – an area where most earthquakes and volcanic eruptions occur.

However, when I opened the daily prompt update in my Gmail, I was a bit frustrated since I already have an idea to write about it. Nonetheless, I am still good to go for this task (from zero to hero). Because, honestly, I love spicy foods. Although, I won’t ever eat a fresh red chili to prove that to anyone. That’s too hot to take in because it’ll really takes a while before it goes away.  Haha..

Anyway, like what I am saying, spicy foods is like the most delicious food ever to me. But, the real thing is most Filipinos actually love spicy foods especially those who live in the southern part of our country. Ask Manny Pacquiao.

Many famous Filipino dishes has always spicy flavors or even they are not originally made to be a hot food, many Pinoys (famous call for Filipinos) can always find their own way to make a certain Filipino dish to be a hot or spicy one. Regardless if that is an Adobo or any common family recipe that you won’t really expect it will be more delicious (as for me) if you add even just a little bit of spicy ingredient.

Bicol Express

 

So, for someone who is foreign and have plans to have some taste of our special spicy foods, I recommend Bicol Express – it is a special Filipino spicy cuisine mostly of pork that is mixed into coconut milk (or for me, I prefer Bagoong Alamang(shrimp paste)), long green chillies and has garlic, onions and ginger as its common ingredients. It was the best Filipino spicy food out there as per my personal preference. But, this food name is really odd though. I thought, when I first heard it, it was a Bus company, although it was actually named from a famous passenger train service that runs from Bicol to Manila and Bicol was the place where anyone can really find the finest spicy cuisine in the country.

If reincarnation is true?

 

I intentionally didn’t able to fulfill the task yesterday because these past few days, I’ve mostly post comments to blogs that I visit and another thing, my slow internet connection forbids me to make any post last night. It may not be actually a valid reason but this is one of the problems you may encounter living or staying in country like the Philippines. In fact its the slowest in our region -South East Asia.

Now, going on this “continuation”, it was actually started on my way to finding my nominees for the Liebster Award, since it was one of the tasks needed as a nominee as I got also a nomination of myself.

One of these nominees I choose is Jemma Jones and her My TEFL Adventure’s blog. As we, nominees, are required to pass 11 questions to our own nominees, I created this question, “Do you believe in reincarnation” and her answer is “Yes definitely! I have been told that I have had at least three past lives – I loved Jenny Cockell‘s books about her past lives! (I actually know her).

Her response to that question made me excited and at the same time, intrigued!For me, it was one of the most fascinating topic I want to talk about. Other than that? Aliens!

Now, in my comments to him, this is what I said – I was intrigue on your answer to my question number 6! I do believe in reincarnation but I am wondering what did you mean in there, if you specifically said that you had three past lives already or all of us had at least three past lives already? Her answer on that then is this – I have had a Past Life Regression session; where I was hypnotised and asked questions!

When I read her last reply, the curiosity I have from her answer(to my question) jumps up a mile high. Although, I am not sure if what she said about the questions when she was hypnotised is about her past life, I still assumed that it is.

I researched about the author she mentioned – Jenny Cockell – and found out that that author’s books is all about her past life memories in the 1900’s as Mary Sutton of Ireland and even her future life, in which she assumes, she will be a girl named Nadja and will be born in Nepal in the year 2050. Amazing huh?! I wished I could also see where I could be in my next life.

CBS has even made a TV adaptation on Cockell’s books last 2000.

After reading these, my curiosity led me to continue my search and finally found her story in hubpages.

It was the whole story of Jenny Cockell’s life on how she acquired all the memories, how did they begun and how she proved to the world that all her story is true.

I would say, her story is incredible. It was one of the most unbelievable stories that happened.

But after reading and going through some deep thinking. While my belief to her story and on reincarnation is not  to be doubted.

There is still one big question that confuse my mind.

If reincarnation is really true? Why is it that there are only few people who can remember their past lives? Why not all of us should remember our own?

Is this like, you forgot to format your computer’s hard drive before pressing the “Select” button when you decided to upgrade Windows 7 to Windows 8.1?

What do you think?