What I Thinked When…

I couldn’t able to make a post yesterday since I forgot to follow The Commons and I surprisingly also miss to visit it. Gladly, I was able to remember just after my work – thank you to a ping back notification email in my gmail:) – and that makes me to write for today’s prompt. I just hope, it’s still right for me to continue this challenge despite that I miss one day.

 

A few days after Christmas and before new year when I decided to create this blog. Back then, I had a difficult time on deciding on what name my blog will be. Until I come up with this idea – My real full name is John Carl James, but I really don’t like it much and I prefer my nickname more, which is “Ivan” (as according to my father, it was from a Russian hero of which I didn’t bother to research and know the man). Now, because I really love this nickname I have, I tried to incorporate it to my potential blog name until I came across with “navI-gate”. It was like, for me, it will be Ivan’s Gate and I really find it very appropriate since the very first thing I want to write in my blog is the things I really kept hidden to the outside world – my secret thoughts, angst or grudges that I don’t have the courage to impart to whoever is involve on that hidden thought in my brainbox.

Going back on that “navi-gate” thing, I tried to make some visuals I can use. I even request a mock-up from a friend. Unfortunately, my brain’s deciding power is often complicated and I didn’t find myself to settle with anything those and just came up with “Navigate: Searching for existence”.

That subtitle of my blog is the one that should be my first title in this blog but it take too long for me to ignore and postpone on writing it and when I decided to write for it….Nothing!

It was blank!

But now, I really want to answer why I actually choose that subtitle for my blog rather than explaining what it is all about.

I know, it might be something funny for others. But believe me when I say, I only know minimal things in grammar. Actually, I sucked in my English subjects during college although I was exempted for one exam once for predicting correctly to my instructor’s thoughts.

This sucked-ness I have in this foreign language might gave me or help me to come out with these words.

Every time when I am writing for this blog. I am not actually sure if I am making sense with what I am saying or if I am actually expressing myself and all the things I want to say precisely. It’s like I am always searching for something that I can’t find, maybe even it was before my very eyes already. Getting my drift?

But then, I thought that this is just a personal blog, I am not writing to show off. I am not writing to let the world know that I am writing something here. After all, I am just writing to let my secret thoughts be let out because it gives me a huge relief each time I did it. So..if I get all these things wrong. I won’t lose anything, Am I?

 

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